Just for kicks

Disclaimer:

This fictitious story is only a figment of my imagination and was written when I, the author, had nothing better to do. Though there are some well known personalities and brands mentioned in this tale, I assure the reader that there is no attempt made to malign their good name. It is meant to be read with a light and witty frame of mind and not be taken seriously. Please read it, and if you find it funny laugh off your worries for a moment, de-stress and get back to work.

Did you know that the world famous super-bike, the Ducati Panigale actually had its origins in India? I know it sounds far-fetched but it’s true. Here is the tragic but incredible story behind the incredible bike.

There was once a mechanic by the name of Baburao P.K. Girpade (don't forget the name) who lived in Pune city. Baburao was a mechanic who worked in a small and dingy motor garage. Every day he had to travel a great distance from the small chawl he lived in to his workplace on his khattara moped, which at its top speed was slower than a lazy buffalo strolling. This frustrated him no end. One day he decided that enough was enough, and made up his mind to design a super-fast vehicle which could zip him across from his home to the garage in super quick time.

So he spent day and night designing and crafting what would later become a legendary super-bike. And finally, after many hours of hard work and sweat, he finally managed to craft a prototype of his dream machine.

He took it out on a test drive and to his delight, found that it matched all his expectations. He decided to name the bike ‘Paani-Gele’. Why he decided to name his bike thus is a subject of intense mystery and debate by historians. There are numerous theories surrounding the same.

The theory behind the origin of the first part of the name is simple enough. Baburao discovered that the bike consumed petrol like water. Hence the name ‘Paani’.

Regarding the origin of the second part of the name ‘Gele’ *, there are again numerous theories. The name might have caught on as excited people exclaimed ‘Gele’ (‘There he goes!’), as Baburao zipped across in his prototype. It could also be due to the fact that Baburao famously exclaimed ‘Gele’ (Gone!) when he checked the balance in his bank passbook. It was known that he had invested every last penny of his savings in this dream project.

There are other theories of course. But whatever the reason, the name stuck on and the bike was christened ‘Paanigele’. Baburao was extremely proud of his creation and hoped to strike it rich.

But fate had other plans.

The famous Italian motorcycle maker Bruno Ducati had happened to come over to Pune on a business trip during that time. One day, he feigned illness to escape from a boring business meeting and came out to have some Wada Pav and tea in a roadside stall. While he was having his meal, he happened to see Baburao zip across him in his prototype. Impressed, he secretly followed Baburao back to his garage and, to his amazement, saw the prototype that Baburao had painstakingly built. He couldn’t believe his eyes. After all, only Europeans and the Japanese had the right and the technical know-how to build superior road vehicles. How could an ordinary Indian motor mechanic manage to craft something so amazing? He knew that if this bike hit the market, there would be a catastrophe. No one would buy European bikes. So he devised a devious plan on the spur of the moment.

When Baburao went to the loo, Bruno sneaked into the garage, tampered with the bike’s braking system and slunk off. Baburao, unaware of all this, came back and took out the bike for one more test ride. As he sped off, Bruno once again sneaked in, located the bike’s design plans and made off with them. Baburao, not knowing that the brakes were tampered with, was cruising at full speed. Suddenly, he saw a Cow happily sleeping in the middle of the road. He tried to apply the brakes and to his horror, found that they did not respond. With a collision imminent, he swerved off the road at the last moment and unfortunately happened to crash into the Mula river. In the resultant crash, the bike was completely destroyed and due to injuries sustained, Baburao completely lost his memory. Now he couldn’t remember how he designed the bike. Alas, with this accident, the secret of the bike was lost forever.

Bruno Ducati, in the meantime took the next flight back to Italy, bike plans in tow and hurriedly incorporated this new bike into his product portfolio. So as to not make it look obvious that the bike was copied, he christened the bike with the more Italian sounding ‘Panigale’. The bike was a super-hit and became one of Ducati’s top selling bikes.

And this is just an example of how the decadent Western Civilization has robbed us of our secrets and made wealth at our expense.